Beware of filthy mouthed wife. Husband is cool.

Fair warning for guests: she swears. A lot. He's fine. This rude doormat introduces the household before anyone gets a chance to be offended.

Get it in natural coir (16"x24" to 36"x72", keep it covered) or all-weather (18"x30" or 30"x47") that survives rain and your in-laws. Give it to the wife who curses like a sailor and the husband who loves her for it. Size questions go to Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker (a very good dog with zero patience for small talk), or How do I choose a doormat?