Prepare to be underwhelmed: sarcastic doormat

Lower the bar before they walk in. This sarcastic doormat sets expectations right at the door, so your takeout dinner, your laundry pile and your weak wifi look great by comparison. Honesty is a gift, and so is this mat.

Natural coir from 16"x24" to 36"x72" for covered stoops. All-weather in 18"x30" or 30"x47" for porches that take a beating. Give it to the friend who apologizes for the mess every single time. Damn Good Doormats has been saying the quiet part out loud since 2009. Stuck on size? Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker (a very good dog), will sort you out, or read How do I choose a doormat?