Welcome. I'm not wearing pants.

Fair warning before you knock. This funny doormat is for work-from-home people, Sunday loungers and anyone who considers jeans a hostile act.

Pick natural coir, 16"x24" up to 36"x72", for a covered porch, or go all-weather (18"x30" or 30"x47") and hose it off anywhere. Give it to the friend who answers video calls from the waist up. We were making rude doormats in 2009, before the copycats caught on. Ask Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker. She's a very good dog and she won't judge you. Or read How do I choose a doormat?