YUCK FU!

Read it twice. This rude doormat says what you're thinking without technically saying it.

Get it in natural coir (16"x24" to 36"x72", keep it covered) or all-weather (18"x30" or 30"x47") that survives rain and your in-laws. Give it to the friend who's done with performative politeness. This design is retiring. When it's gone, it's gone, so quit dithering. We were making rude doormats in 2009, before the copycats caught on. Size questions go to Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker (a very good dog with zero patience for small talk), or How do I choose a doormat?