What the fuck is this fuckery?

Said by everyone, at least once a week. This rude doormat asks the question for you, so you don't have to say it out loud when the package is wrong again.

Coir comes in sizes from 16"x24" to 36"x72" and wants a roof over its head. The all-weather version (18"x30" or 30"x47") doesn't care about anything, much like you. It's a gift for the friend who has had it, with all of it, today. Ask Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker. She's a very good dog and she won't judge you. Or read How do I choose a doormat?