About fucking time

For the late guest, the long-awaited homecoming or the house you finally bought. This rude doormat says what everyone's thinking.

Natural coir from 16"x24" to 36"x72" for covered stoops. All-weather in 18"x30" or 30"x47" for porches that take a beating. Give it to new homeowners after a long search, or the friend who's always 45 minutes late. Stuck on size? Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker (a very good dog), will sort you out, or read How do I choose a doormat?