Stay real, stay loyal, or stay the fuck away

Three options. Pick one. This rude doormat is for ride-or-die households that keep the circle tight and the fake friends on the sidewalk.

Coir comes in sizes from 16"x24" to 36"x72" and wants a roof over its head. The all-weather version (18"x30" or 30"x47") doesn't care about anything, much like you. Give it to the friend who's been loyal through every breakup, move and bad haircut. Size questions go to Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker (a very good dog with zero patience for small talk), or How do I choose a doormat?