He seemed fine on the porch. Good hair, good boat metaphors, zero follow-through — and by the time you figured that out, he'd already tracked mud through your kitchen. This is the mat that runs the elimination round before he gets past the welcome.

Get it in eco coir — 8 sizes, from a studio-apartment landing to a full front-porch spread — best kept under cover, out of direct sun and rain. Want something that can take a beating? The all-weather fabric front mat with a recycled rubber non-slip backing version hoses clean and lives happily on an exposed porch, deck, or driveway, rain or shine. Either way, it's a silly doormat with actual bite, and a genuinely funny housewarming or bachelorette gift for the friend whose taste in men needs an intervention.

Put it down and let the vetting start on the porch instead of three dates in. Not sure which style fits your vibe? Let Tammy sniff out your match, or read How Do I Choose a Doormat? before you commit to anything bigger than a mat. Once it's on your porch, here's how to care for your doormat.