No bitchin'™

House rules, effective immediately. This rude doormat is for stay-at-home parents who've heard enough.

Get it in natural coir (16"x24" to 36"x72", keep it covered) or all-weather (18"x30" or 30"x47") that survives rain and your in-laws. Give it to the SAHM and the friend whose kids complain about every dinner. This design is retiring. When it's gone, it's gone, so quit dithering. Size questions go to Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker (a very good dog with zero patience for small talk), or How do I choose a doormat?