Welcome bitches: bachelorette party doormat

The bride has arrived, the rosé is cold and the neighbors have been warned. This rude bachelorette party doormat sets the tone for a weekend of bad decisions and great photos. It also works year-round for any house where the girls show up loud.

Get it in natural coir (16"x24" to 36"x72", keep it covered) or all-weather (18"x30" or 30"x47") that survives rain and your in-laws. Bring it to the Airbnb, then give it to the bride as the souvenir she'll actually keep. Damn Good Doormats has been saying the quiet part out loud since 2009. Size questions go to Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker (a very good dog with zero patience for small talk), or How do I choose a doormat?