Abandon hope, in Dante's Italian

The warning over the gates of Hell, with a Knights Templar shield. This Halloween doormat is for Inferno readers and Italian-speaking goths.

Coir comes in sizes from 16"x24" to 36"x72" and wants a roof over its head. The all-weather version (18"x30" or 30"x47") doesn't care about anything, much like you. Give it to the literature professor and the friend who reads Dante for fun. It's on the way out and it isn't coming back. Like your ex, but you'll miss this one. Stuck on size? Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker (a very good dog), will sort you out, or read How do I choose a doormat?