House rules: no fussin', no cussin', no backtalkin'

Grandma's rules, posted at the door. This funny doormat lays down the law before anyone comes in.

Pick natural coir, from a 16"x24" mini to a 36"x72" colossal, for a covered entry, or go all-weather (18"x30" or 30"x47") for a porch that gets rain. Give it to the grandma, the teacher and the parent who has said all three today. This design is retiring. When it's gone, it's gone. Size questions go to Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker (a very good dog), or to How do I choose a doormat?