FREE US Shipping!

Your neighbors have theories about what goes on at your place. This mat confirms every one of them. Welcome to my Home on Whore Island — printed bold, unbothered, and aimed straight at whoever's about to knock. It's less a welcome mat than a personality test for your visitors, and most of them fail beautifully. The winners gain entry & an evening of adult beverages and watching Anchorman.

Get it in eco coir — 8 sizes, from a slim front door floor mat up to a full-on Double door spread — if it's living under a covered porch, out of direct sun and rain. Headed somewhere with actual weather? Grab the all-weather fabric front mat with a recycled rubber non-slip backing version instead; hose it off, leave it out, it does not care. Either way, it's a certified gag gift for the friend whose house you already suspect is Whore Island's mainland.

Slide it under the mail slot and let the door do the talking. Not sure coir vs. rubber is right for your porch situation? Ask Perogi, our chatbot assistant (and a very good pug), or read How Do I Choose a Doormat? before you commit to a lifetime of Whore Island jokes at your own front door.