Friends should know when to go home™

We love you, now leave. This rude doormat is for hosts who adore company until about 10 p.m.

Natural coir from 16"x24" to 36"x72" for covered stoops. All-weather in 18"x30" or 30"x47" for porches that take a beating. Give it to the host who starts loading the dishwasher as a hint. It's on the way out and it isn't coming back. Like your ex, but you'll miss this one. Damn Good Doormats has been saying the quiet part out loud since 2009. Stuck on size? Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker (a very good dog), will sort you out, or read How do I choose a doormat?