Beware of the blonde. Husband is cool.

Fair warning: the blonde runs this house. The husband is fine. This funny doormat tells guests who to watch out for before they knock.

Coir comes in sizes from 16"x24" to 36"x72" and wants a roof over its head. The all-weather version (18"x30" or 30"x47") doesn't care about anything, much like you. Give it to the blonde who loves a good roast, or let her husband give it to her if he's brave. Ask Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker. She's a very good dog and she won't judge you. Or read How do I choose a doormat?