Three positions, no contradictions, and only one of them involves a folding chair. This Pro Science, Pro-Choice, Pro Wrestling doormat says all three with a straight face and lets the porch sort out who agrees and who's leaving early.

Pick eco-friendly coir from coconut husks for a covered porch, out of direct sun and rain, or all-weather recycled rubber that hoses clean and lives anywhere. Coir comes in 8 sizes, and this long line reads best at 24x36 and up. A gift for the biology teacher with a pay-per-view habit.

Tag out anyone who disagrees. Picking a size? Let Tammy Sandwiches, our Doormat Guide Dog, fetch your mats, or read How Do I Choose a Doormat?

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