Please no peeing off the porch

Somebody had to say it. This rude doormat sets the one house rule the bonfire crowd keeps breaking.

Get it in natural coir (16"x24" to 36"x72", keep it covered) or all-weather (18"x30" or 30"x47") that survives rain and your in-laws. Give it to the boys' house, the frat porch and the backyard bonfire host. Last Chance, for real: once these sell out, we're done making them. Damn Good Doormats has been saying the quiet part out loud since 2009. Ask Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker. She's a very good dog and she won't judge you. Or read How do I choose a doormat?