Not putting out. Don't bring your ass in!

Closed for business, in every sense. This rude doormat sets expectations before anyone gets ideas.

Coir comes in sizes from 16"x24" to 36"x72" and wants a roof over its head. The all-weather version (18"x30" or 30"x47") doesn't care about anything, much like you. Give it to the newly single friend and the couple who thinks they're hilarious. Last Chance, for real: once these sell out, we're done making them. We were making rude doormats in 2009, before the copycats caught on. Ask Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker. She's a very good dog and she won't judge you. Or read How do I choose a doormat?