Cute kicks. Take them off anyway. Doesn't matter if they're Gucci, Yeezy, or Balenciaga — the receipt in your back pocket doesn't buy a shoe pass at this door. Sock feet or bare, your call, but the $900 loafers are staying on the mat, not the hardwood.

Get it in eco coir — 8 sizes, from a cozy apartment mat to a full-on Double door spread — for covered porches out of direct sun and rain. Or go all-weather fabric front mat with a recycled rubber non-slip backing if your entryway takes a beating: hose it off, leave it out in the elements, it does not care. Either way it's one of our witty doormats that says something before your guests even ring the bell, and it makes a genuinely funny housewarming or holiday gift for the friend whose closet is nicer than yours.

Their shoes are $1,200. Your rules are non-negotiable. Get the damn mat, and if you're stuck between sizes, ask Perogi (our very good pug of a chatbot) or check out How Do I Choose a Doormat?