Eye chart: you should get off my porch

Read the bottom line. This rude doormat uses an eye chart to deliver a message that gets clearer the closer you look.

Natural coir from 16"x24" to 36"x72" for covered stoops. All-weather in 18"x30" or 30"x47" for porches that take a beating. Give it to the optometrist, the grump and anyone who loves a slow-burn joke. Last Chance, for real: once these sell out, we're done making them. Ask Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker. She's a very good dog and she won't judge you. Or read How do I choose a doormat?