Bell's broken. Yell ding dong real loud.

Instructions for visitors, since the doorbell quit years ago. This funny doormat makes the workaround official.

Get it in natural coir (16"x24" to 36"x72", keep it covered) or all-weather (18"x30" or 30"x47") that survives rain and your in-laws. Give it to the household that will never fix the doorbell and has made peace with it. It's on the way out and it isn't coming back. Like your ex, but you'll miss this one. Damn Good Doormats has been saying the quiet part out loud since 2009. Stuck on size? Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker (a very good dog), will sort you out, or read How do I choose a doormat?