Happy holidays, motherfuckers!

Inclusive and profane. This rude elf doormat covers every winter holiday with one greeting.

Natural coir from 16"x24" to 36"x72" for covered stoops. All-weather in 18"x30" or 30"x47" for porches that take a beating. Give it to the holiday party host who says what everyone is thinking. This design is retiring. When it's gone, it's gone, so quit dithering. Damn Good Doormats has been saying the quiet part out loud since 2009. Size questions go to Tammy Sandwiches, our doormat matchmaker (a very good dog with zero patience for small talk), or How do I choose a doormat?