Direct eye contact. Sudden movements. Coughing. Negative facial expressions. All of it banned, effective at the doorframe, so nobody can claim they weren't told. Written like a workplace safety notice, for the house that would rather you just text.

Pick eco-friendly coir (coconut husk, UV-printed, keep it under cover and out of the rain) or all-weather recycled rubber that hoses clean. Coir comes in 8 sizes, but the full rulebook needs room, so go 24x36 or bigger. A gift for the introvert, the night-shift sleeper, or anyone hosting relatives who arrive with notes.

Thank you for your cooperation. Picking a size? Let Tammy Sandwiches, our Doormat Guide Dog, fetch your mats (she avoids eye contact too), or read How Do I Choose a Doormat?