Someone's knocking. You're not answering — the mat already did. "Dave's not here, man" has been the correct response to literally every question since 1971, and now it's pulling security detail at your front door instead of your bong. Cheech and Chong purists will clock it instantly. Everyone else will just assume you're extremely relaxed and possibly out of snacks.
This one comes in eco coir — 8 sizes, from apartment-door tiny to full Double door flex — ideal for a covered porch that never sees direct sun or rain. Or grab it as an all-weather fabric front mat with a recycled rubber non-slip backing outdoor door mat, tough enough to hose off after the county fair and stay put through anything short of a hurricane. Either way it's a genuinely fun door mat for the friend with the lighter collection, the perfect going-away gift for the roommate finally moving out, or the upgrade your own porch has been begging for.
We invented the smart-ass doormat industry back in 2009, long before anyone else figured out a floor mat could talk back — copycats welcome, originality not included. Stuck between coir and rubber? Ask Perogi, our very good pug of a chatbot, or read How Do I Choose a Doormat? Either way, Dave's still not here. Never was.
